I often discuss the virtue of planning ahead, so that you are not stuck with the default rules about who gets assets after you pass away.  Many of what I discuss focuses on how you may want different things to happen with your assets than the default rules set up by the Colorado legislature, but there is a lot more to consider when death arrives than just planning for assets.  Death can have a severe emotional impact.

I was given an unwelcome lesson in the impact of death not too long ago.  My 16 year old daughter plays the flute in her high school’s marching band.  She has become good friends with her fellow band members, especially the flute section.  They competed in band competitions in the fall, and even though they compete with each other for who is the best among the various instrument sections, they work together to make the band sound amazing.  A couple of weeks ago, one of my daughter’s fellow flute players missed a couple of days at school with an illness.  Her family did all the things we do for sick children, including getting her rest, some chicken soup, and over the counter medicines like Tylenol or Aspirin.  Despite this, her illness became more severe and she was taken to the hospital.  Her brain was swelling, so she underwent emergency brain surgery to relieve the pressure and swelling.  We were all concerned and participated in organizing meals for the family and contributing to the fundraiser set up to assist with medical costs.

My daughter found out that the surgery was successful, but that her friend was not responding to treatment as well as the doctors had hoped.  My daughter commented that she was at Children’s Hospital, so she was receiving the best care possible, and we agreed that was a good thing.  We did not hear any updates for several days, and then my daughter came out of her room one night, phone in one hand and the other covering her mouth.  I asked her what was going on, and she responded that her friend had died.  At that moment everything stopped.  I was just about ready to start printing an estate plan to be signed the next day, but I left the computer behind and just hugged her as she broke down crying.  She cried and was quite upset for several days.

 

Plans In Place Help, Even if The Plans Cannot Fix Everything

As terrible as it sounds, the high school has a plan for such situations.  They had all of the counselors and grief counselors in the entire school district at the school the next day, and none of the teachers really felt the need to do anything but collectively mourn the loss of a student the next day.  The students organized over social media on their own and many students dressed in the deceased student’s favorite color.  Memorials and tributes to my daughter’s friend became the theme of the week.  Less than a week after her passing, a scheduled band concert turned into a memorial and remembrance of the deceased student, with even the dress code modified to allow for the deceased student’s favorite color to be worn for that concert.  The deceased student’s chair was set up and left in place at the concert, and was covered in flowers and other memorial items.  Everyone fondly remembered her and honored her memory at the concert.  The band director spoke about the wonderfulness of the student and addressed how much the family meant to him and the school.

My daughter truly appreciated the honoring of her friend at the concert and she appreciated the day of mourning, but she was a bit dismayed that when she went back to school the day after the day of mourning teachers went back to teaching and school kind of went on.  She thought it was not time yet to move on, and I can see where she was coming from, but since the school’s purpose is to educate students, the school needed to continue on in its mission.

 

Remembering and Honoring Our Loved Ones as Best We Can

When someone close to us passes away, we all want the world to stop and take notice, and we want the deceased’s memory to be honored and cherished.  However, not everyone has the same level of attachment to our loved ones as we do, and the rest of the world will move on faster than those most impacted by the death of a loved one.

The rest of the world will want bills to be paid, accounts closed out, and assets transferred or sold to cover debts.  These actions may seem heartless and unfeeling to the family members most impacted by the death of a loved one, but mostly the actions are those of businesses and everyday people going about their lives.  My daughter got an unwelcome lesson in how life moves on at the age of 16, which is WAY too young, in my opinion.  No 16 year old should need to experience that type of loss.  If I could have shielded her from the pain and sorrow of that loss, I would have.  But, I am not that powerful and I could only support her, not protect her from anything bad happening.

My daughter felt the loss of her friend more acutely than most, but her feelings of sadness and loss were more intense because of her attachment to her friend.  Not everyone has the same level of attachment to everyone who passes on.

 

Plan Now, So Your Plan is Ready to Help Those In a Tough Spot

Of course, when you are planning your estate, you are planning for a time when your loving family, your survivors, will be in similar emotional pain.  The last thing your loved ones will want to think about is what to do with your money, assets, house, and stuff.  They will be saddened that you are gone, and they will want the world to stop and be with them, the way that I stopped what I was doing and let my daughter cry when she found out about her friend’s death.  I could do that for my daughter, but the rest of the world could not stop like I could in the moment my daughter told me about her friend’s death.  Your estate plan can give your family the necessary time and space to grieve, and then deal with the money part when they are ready.  

Courts have deadlines to file a will and start the probate process, but the deadlines to get things started aren’t exactly strictly enforced.  Once the process is started, deadlines are important and need to be met, but meeting the deadlines is much easier to do if you are not actively mourning and in pain from the death of a loved one.  We all want the world to stop and remember someone who has passed on, but that may not be possible.  Just like my daughter wanted the whole world to stop while she healed from the loss of her friend, we all want the world to stop as we mourn those we lost.  As my daughter learned – much to her dismay – that is usually not possible, as we mourn our loved ones more than those who did not know them as well.

 

Create Hope By Planning For The Unthinkable

However, you can set up your estate plan to give your loved ones the time and space to mourn you and remember you, so that the emotional toll of your passing is not overwhelming and so burdensome that nothing gets done.  Your estate plan will help your loved ones remember you fondly and give them the necessary time to do what they need to remember you.  But, this is only true if you set everything up before the emotional difficulty involved in your passing away.

Nobody likes it when someone they love dies, and an estate plan cannot take away the pain of death, but a properly constructed estate plan can remove the worry about assets, money, and all of the necessary, but more obnoxious, parts about death.  To start getting your estate plan set up, and letting your family mourn you as they need, click the button below.